23 weeks 4 days-square-1.jpg

The week of July 9th I had such a weird feeling for a few days not feeling baby. We saw our first kicks at 22 weeks 4 days up until 23 weeks and 4 days. Prior to seeing him kick, I had been feeling him hiccup and gurgle and move around for weeks. After an agonizing few days of thinking he was in a different position, my anterior placenta was to blame, that I was plain batshit crazy, and/or that he was sleeping I tried to find his heartbeat over the weekend. After not being able to find a convincing heartbeat on my at home Doppler (though my parents could have sworn they heard it), I called the doctor Monday morning  July 16th (at 24 weeks and 4 days) and made an apt. 

They checked and couldn’t find a heartbeat so they confirmed via sonogram to me that my baby had passed away. I was told I had to go to the hospital that day because I had to deliver him. My little boy 😭 ... they gave me medicine to induce contractions, hooked me up to IV, gave me an epidural, and tried unorthodox methods to get me to dilate for days. I was at the hospital from Monday until Thursday ... waiting to give birth to my stillborn son. 

He finally came Wednesday (7/18/18) at 11:33am after technically 44 hours in labor. 1 lb 13oz , 12 inches (and so cute). My little breech stillborn angel boy, Dylan Ford Gambler. 💙


"Perhaps you think your silence will help ease my pain?
But I want to talk about the child I will never hold again."